• Got a letter from one of the jobs I applied for; they have filled the position.
• Got a letter from the school district; the PTB have decided that our son is not gifted. Of course, they also decided to keep his crappy teacher and pink-slip the amazing one he had in kindergarten, and feel that kids learning about Africa as if it were one huge walking stereotype is okay.
• Saw a GI doctor today -- I get an EGD on Tuesday, and am currently taking Carafate. He is going to check to see if I have celiac, so I have to eat gluten (and get the resulting migraine) from now until Monday night.
• Work wants me to help them with their website. But they have yet to give me a contract saying I will get paid for the work. Yeah...

• Does Led Zepplin count as buttrock?
• Does extended breast-feeding turn boys into breast-men?
• Does Fruity Pebbles contain heroin? Because I eat it like a junkie...
• Do those tanned-leather women with fake boobs and garish highlights and overdone lips really think they are attractive?
• Why do people ride their brakes while going downhill?
• Why is the "help" that Twitter sends you via text so utterly useless?
• How long can I continue to tell the annoying telemarketers who try to get me to donate to their firefighters or sheriffs or police organizations that I work too few hours to even think of giving them money, when I try to save money by eating cereal for dinner?
• Why do I need a Masters' degree to tell people where the restrooms are and to unjam printers?
• What makes people think I know where their tutor/study group/instructor/babydaddy is?
• Is it possible to OD on Reese's Peanut Butter Cups?
• Is lap-band surgery a viable option?
• Why does D always try to talk to me when I am on the phone?
• Why does G always want to nurse?
• Why are there so many songs about rainbows? (And what's on the other side?)

• "The Ethics of Cutting Household Help"
• "Nannies Take On Extra Duties as Households Economize"
• "Readers Share Stories of Bonding with Longtime Nannies, Housekeepers"

• Mississippi State University
• Missouri Western
• Colorado State University

Reminds me of talking to high school students...
Current Location: werk
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: silunce: i has it

• Do not put too much cereal in your bowl; otherwise, when you pour the milk, everything overflows. Aim for 2/3 of a bowl.
• When pouring the milk, you really only need enough milk to get everything moist, unless you're a bowl-drinker.
• While you may think you are better served by using a big spoon, smaller spoons are better for avoiding messes.
• Drinking the milk from your bowl is optional.

• Fruity Pebbles, while tasty, are also notoriously fickle, and get really limp really quickly. Don't pour the milk unless you are ready to eat them immediately; potty breaks have to wait until you are done with the bowl. Don't use a lot of milk, as that just makes them soggy more quickly. If you have a few soggy ones left in your bowl, you can improve things by pouring in more Fruity Pebbles. However, your milk is only good for two bowls -- any more than that, and the milk is gross-looking and much too sweet.
• Frosted Flakes also suffer from sogginess. So do all flake cereals (with the exception of Bran Flakes, and maybe Special K). Many of the above rules apply.
• Rice Chex is one of the few cereals that benefit from eating them with a large spoon, due to the size of the Chex. I suggest straining off the excess milk before ingesting.
• Frosted Mini-Wheats have a variety of sub-rules, based on size. If you are eating the regular Mini-Wheats, break the individual biscuits in half before putting them in the bowl -- this helps avoid Splooging Wheat Syndrome (similar to Splooging Chicken Kiev Syndrome). While the Bite Size Mini-Wheats may be an easier size for eating, the frosting tends to clump together, and cuts up the roof of your mouth -- use caution. Straining the Mini-Wheats by pushing your spoon against the edge of the bowl before eating helps maximize the wheat-to-milk ratio.
• Special K is yummy on its own -- you don't need to add sugar. However, Corn Flakes often benefit from a little honey.
• Cheerios are supposed to be eaten with bananas. I, however, hate bananas. Use your own discretion.
• Trader Joe's Gluten-Free Granola tastes best with vanilla yogurt. So does Grape Nuts.
• Honeycomb and Froot Loops are two cereals that actually taste better without any milk. Use milk if you want, but beware the soggy factor.
• There are several reasons to avoid Lucky Charms: 1) the marshmallows don't taste like real marshmallows, and by the time you wait for them to soften up in the milk, the rest of your cereal is soggy; 2) if you have kids, they are just going to eat the marshmallows and leave behind a bowl of uneaten oat pieces; 3) the leprechaun and his tormentors are just annoying.
• Certain cocoa cereals are better than others. Cocoa Krispies are actually pretty good, as are dry Cocoa Puffs. But these are better as an after-school/work snack.
• Kix are sexist -- "mother-approved," my fanny. They aren't bad, but if your parents bought you these and Life as a "healthy" alternative to those sugar cereals (because you were only allowed to eat the healthy stuff), they are a poor substitution. It's like eating Tofurkey and expecting it to taste like real turkey. Respect Kix and Life for what they are (mildly sweet, vaguely cardboard-y, and really gross when soggy), and get your sugar kicks elsewhere.
• Trix has changed shapes a lot. They don't taste like Kix on a bender. Be thankful that they returned to their previous round shape -- the fruit shape was much too sweet and sticky. 
• Cap'n Crunch tastes better dry -- it does weird things to your milk. Crunch Berries is vastly superior, but to mitigate the taste of Cap'n Crunch, the preferred ratio of Berries to Cap'n is 2:1 (WARNING: This will leave you with extra Cap'n). Or, better yet, wait for the special Oops All Berries to come out again.
• Don't eat Total. It's boring. Cracklin' Oat Bran is tastier, even if it looks like kibble.

• my eyesight is blurry; there must be gunk in my eye
• <goes to mirror to peek> hunh, don't see anything
• I wonder what the symptoms are of that low-tension glaucoma that mom has
• I wonder if I have glaucoma -- how would I know?
• I should research this
• Wait, maybe I can ask Rita, she works with medical-type people
• <sings> "Lovely Rita, meter maid..."
• Man, I bet she gets sick and tired of hearing that
• Was there a Rita in Across the Universe?